Couples Preferences | Dinner Conversation & Sex

Summer is just around the corner and you know what that means … dinner parties…time to party! And when you’re kicking up your heels ladies at all of the warm weather cocktail parties you’ll attend this season,  please do remember … don’t forget to dust off your cocktail party etiquette.

Let's party!!!!
Let’s party!!!!

A party is where people go to have fun and enjoy themselves spending time with friends or family, as well as good conversation and great food always gets the party going in the right direction. Unfortunately, there are things that shouldn’t be discussed at the dinner party table or is it?  Dinner parties are always great, but you have to consider the many taboo topics that have been banned by all of society. They aren’t illegal topics and you may get away with bringing them up depending on who you are with, but in most cases, you should just leave these topics to another type of gathering so you thought!

Sex, whether discussing your own sexual relationship, that of one of the dinner party guests, or that of anyone else, This is just not a conversation that should be brought up at the dinner table during any dinner party. This is a raunchy subject for any dinner and can quickly sour anyone’s mood, especially if they are offensive in this sort of conversation. I think that by far most important part of a great dinner party is a relaxed, hospitable host, one who’s game for whatever the evening holds, ready to enjoy the people around the table, literally. Whether you’re spreading a feast or a simple dish and are feeling stressed or utterly at peace, your guests are here to spend time with you in your own household. Great dinner party warmth begins and ends with the spirit of the host.

Well, if I may say I’ve had some interesting discussions over a dinner party recently.  Conversations among the guests were fluent and easy going, I listened and yet as I nodded my head to agreement many times-not realizing that I was not really part taking in any conversations.  Boring right!

That’s when I decided to spice things up a bit . . 

“Would you have an extra partner in your bedroom to help out with your relationship”?

To my surprise  the participants, whose average age was 40’s plus, responded to the question and added about their sexual self-esteem and their relationships.

“The most taboo elements of society are also the most misunderstood, and sex is no exception”.

A hard fact sexual compatibility in relationships is hugely important especially in an open extramarital affair — possibly even more important than we give it credit for, because we are terrible at crediting the right things. Obviously relationships come in all stripes, but generally speaking, one of the primary factors that distinguishes romantic love from platonic love is whether or not you and your loved one touch each other on the junk.

Communication is important.  Mutual generosity is important. Men’s inner emotional lives are important. Women’s sexual boundaries are important. And vice versa on all counts, of course. But when talking about sex, female trauma is not subordinate to male frustration. Men not “getting” enough sex from their partners  (as though partners couldn’t possibly want sex, or be justified in not wanting it) has been our oversimplified narrative for generations.  Prioritizing men’s sexual issues over women’s is not a revolutionary.  Exploiting one couple’s very specific emotional trauma and dysfunction in order to support sweeping, regressive generalizations about the sexual function of entire genders is utterly fucked up.

If you read any sex advice at all, you’ve probably been told that the hottest, safest, and most mutually fulfilling sex requires honest and open dialogue. But some things are easier said than, done. Some of us grew up learning that sex was very bad and would definitely kill us, which doesn’t exactly make it easy to talk about.  Some people, especially women, get the message that what matters is pleasing your partner, and that speaking up for what you want somehow detracts from that. Some are just shy. And even those lucky enough to have experienced a sex-positive upbringing can use some specific pointers from time to time.

Getting comfortable with communicating about sex may translate to benefits in the bedroom — especially if the lines of communication are open during the act.

How people talk about sex is an important topic.  Communication is also key to having enjoyable sexual encounters.  By all means, is Venus closer to Mars or Mars to Venus whatever it takes to make the relationship to work, than yes!  Most married couples often find themselves in a love triangle, no matter how happy they can be in their marriage there is the third person standing by.  

So you are in love with another and feel confused about certain issues in your life.    All seems fine in your relationship but the the third person is at your side too.

“A mistake for sure!”

The third leg is the awkward one, the leg that has to be removed to balance out the table.  The heart is open to one person and the third person becomes the painful one.  Hearts break there is no lying about that, remember you can’t have that third person.

Before the third one came along all was just perfect in your relationship, but things are gradually changing.  You are committed but can’t fix the problem so easily, the thing is your current partner doesn’t fulfill your every need and the other person fills the void that your partner doesn’t fill in your heart.  You find pleasure in the third person’s company, it makes you feel great while your spouse is happy with you, sex and your relationship but fails to understand what is going on in your life.

The situation becomes problematic, and in time it can destroy the relationship. Usually it is two women and a man involved, and coping with the third person is mind blowing.  You are committed but can’t fix the problem so easily, the thing is your current partner doesn’t fulfill your every need and the other person fills the void that your partner doesn’t fill in your heart, this is my opinion.

“Sometimes it can feel right to you when making such decisions but the problem can worsen.  Will he or she become closer”?

People grow and change all the time accepting these changes in a marriage that is difficult.  I’m not an expert here, I believe that disappointed marriages can make these faults, married women or men want to have different partners and having your wife or husband to go through these changes can have many effects in a marriage.

“Would you tolerate these changes?  I couldn’t, but than that’s me”!

I was speaking with a couple who has been married well over 30 plus years, they both stated the following.

“There are three of you, the husband wife and the other person who disturbs your marriageThe other problem is to the third person who is often left out of the triangle.  Issues arise the third person is not going to find the love he wants in a relationship, he is just wasting his time, and would only dream of something he can’t have with this woman.  Loving another man’s wife is an experience he may never have again and he has over come the fear of meeting someone with these little moments.  

The third person in my opinion shouldn’t get involved in a couple’s relationship.  It is painful, fearful, and not fair to the couple.  Something one can only dream of but won’t get further than that.  One person has to move out of this relationship and that is the person who got in last the third one.

The husband trusts his wife and he knows she won’t cheat on him with the third person, when he sees the changes in her he can feel a bit insecure about certain behaviors noticed.  If he knows she is cheating he could try to look away from the problem.  Instead he would love her more and still put her on a pedestal.  Not every man would see the situation in the same way.  

Accepting such issues can be more of a problem to deal with than an acceptance.  Recommit may or may not work in a love triangle, whereby, in certain circumstances the husband agrees for the wife to be with another”.

The good,the bad and the beautiful!
The good,the bad and the beautiful!

Threesomes, both men and women can find themselves fantasizing on what it would be like to have an extra person in the bedroom.   Sure, it sounds fun and exciting, plus a great way to add some spice into your sex life, but could it actually be damaging to your relationship?

As to my  closing remarks, these are my opinions…..Let’s  be open minded here, are threesomes great for some relationships?   They will either bring you closer or show you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be together.  They are great eye openers!  Threesomes can be a source of fun and spice up a relationship that may be getting a bit boring.

However, I’ve heard some mixed opinions I wouldn’t say there is a right or wrong answer.   Some say it’s awesome and everyone should experience it at least once in their lifetime,  and others say it has caused their relationships and some good friendships to go down the drain.  I personally never have done it, yet!   It’s not my cup of tea!   But here’s a question for you –

Are you willing to share your lover/spouse with another person and take the risk of losing love?

Chef EdieM